


A Battle of the Heart

by PsychoStar



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Sauli Koskinen RPF
Genre: Adult Content, Alternate Universe - Historical, Hurt/Comfort, Love Letters, M/M, War Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-02
Updated: 2012-12-02
Packaged: 2017-11-20 02:40:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/580384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PsychoStar/pseuds/PsychoStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In times of war Adam is called in to serve his country. He has to leave the life he had build  with Sauli and just hope that maybe it will still be there waiting for him... if he returnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Battle of the Heart

“A-Adam.” Sauli whispered, voice breaking, eyes bloodshot red and knees shaking. He could tell from Adam’s trembling hands that he read the letter and he knew what it meant. Adam’s knees probably gave in because he blindly searched for the chair next to him and sat down, not once taking his eyes off from that cursed letter. Sauli remembers how his own knees gave in just a few hours ago when he picked it up from their door step and ripped it open, but his head knew what it meant from the second he saw the sigil on the front.

 

The country was at war, they weren’t living in a state badly affected by it though, they had left their home state and moved here three years ago, it wasn’t because of the war, no. It was because of their families, their friends, people who they thought they could trust and share their secret with, but apparently no, after they came out as being gay and in love, their friends rejected them and their families tried to pull them apart. But Adam and Sauli couldn’t take it, so they used all their saved up money and ran away, they lived a really happy life, in their small house and with the small income of money that Adam made. Sauli was asthmatic, he couldn’t really work much, but it was ok, he did everything around the house. They had lied to neighbors and new found friends by saying that they were brothers, they learned not to trust people with theirs secret the hard way, but this way any small public display of affection would go unnoticed and the fact that they live in the same house would seem less stranger. So they were pleased with their lives, until a year later when the war started, they the fear began to settle in again.

 

They knew that Sauli would never be called in, he had a medical condition preventing it, but Adam didn’t. Adam was strong and tall and well build, if the war didn’t end soon they knew there was a fair chance that he would be called in. That’s why Sauli started raising money to move to Europe. But two years later and they still didn’t make half of the money and right now Sauli was regretting not cutting down to one meal a day, or not getting a job, or spending money on that vase he broke in anger this morning. But since two years passes he had gotten used to the fear and actually dared to hope. He should have known better.

 

“Please, Adam! You can’t go!” He says dropping to his knees in front of Adam. They were reports everyday on the news and in the newspaper about soldiers dying on the field. Adam didn’t respond he just stared blankly at Sauli. “Please! Take the money we saved, it’ll be enough just for you. Go, please!” Sauli’s hand clenched into the material of Adam’s jeans trying to get him to respond.

 

“No!” Adam says and throws the paper on the table. “If I leave, you’ll be felt without money and no job and probably not a chance of getting one. Your family won’t take you back and you’ll lose the house. I will never let that happen to you.” Adam says, hand gently cupping Saulis face, lifting him up off the floor.

 

“I don’t care! I’d rather live on the streets and know you’re safe than live here, in this house, comfortably while you’re out there… on the field.” Adam pulled him in for a hug and let Sauli cry on his shoulder, while he shed a few tears of his own. Then he pulled him back, looking into his blue teary eyes as he whispered:

 

“I’d rather be dead than know that I’ll never be with you again.” The sound of the slap echoed through the nearly empty house, he didn’t mean too, it wasn’t Adam that he was angry at, but he couldn’t believe Adam just said that.

 

“Fuck you Adam! Fuck! Never say that again. Please, never.” Adam wasn’t mad, he actually found the power to smile at the sting in his now rosy cheek, so Sauli busted into a heartbreaking cry.

 

“Shhh. It’s going to be ok.” Adam rocked Sauli in his lap. “I’m only called in for six months, I’ll stay safe, we’ll write every day and the money that we raised will be enough for you to live on while I’m away. We’ll get through this.” Sauli made a loud chocking sound as he fought his tears, and hugged Adam as strong as he could, trembling in his arms.

 

“I’m sorry Adam, I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t be blaming you for this.” He tightens even harder the grip he had on Adam, never wanting to let go. “I just love you so much, I don’t know how I’d live without you.” Adam picked Sauli up in his arms and went for their small bedroom, settled him down on the cheap worn out sheets and laid beside him.

 

“Sush now, I’ll come back to you, I promise.” He kissed Sauli’s forehead. Sauli was afraid to ask, but he hadn’t read that part yet and he needed to know.

 

“When are you being picked up?” He asks, a few seconds of quietness was almost too loud for Sauli to bear through.

 

“The day after tomorrow.” It was like a stab of pain that started the waterfall of tears in his eyes again.

 

***

 

“I made dinner. You should eat something.” Sauli says after a few good hours of lying in bed, in a gentile quietness.

 

“Thank you.” Adam says softly, there’s just a hand on his hip, thumb moving unconsciously on a piece of exposed skin. “But I’ll eat later. I don’t want to move from this place just yet.” He held Sauli even tighter, afraid to let go. He wasn’t scared of what might happen to him, fuck the war, he went through way worse things. His life is not really worth much, but Sauli, he can’t just leave Sauli alone in this world. He’s so weak and powerless, without Adam’s protection he might end up really bad. He doesn’t even dear to think how bad. But he can’t think about now, there are only two days until he leaves, he has no make sure Sauli has everything he needs for the winter and the colder days and most importantly he needs to be a lover, so Sauli will know that he’ll always stay in Adam’s heart, no matter where he is.

 

“I love you.” He says and pulls the tiny body closer.

 

“I-I love you too.” The chocking whimpers are painful for Adam’s ears and dangerous for a person with Sauli’s condition but he can’t do anything about it. Words won’t cheer him up, that’s why Adam starts undressing them and placing loving kisses on every bit of skin he can reach. It’s hard for him too, to hold in the tears. 

**Author's Note:**

> I can't wait to write the love letters for the next chapter! Sorry if i been lazy lately, my inspiration bunny hopped away. :(


End file.
